Breaking up is probably one of the most miserable things people have to go through, but sometimes there is no way around it. A relationship can be saved if both parties work on it, but too often the issues facing the couple are unsalvageable. For the most part, however, there will be red flags that indicate it is time to walk away.

The first sign is when trust is compromised. According to relationship coach Jay Cadet, it is essential for trust to be in a relationship. “Once that trust is broken or taken for granted, it can be very difficult to rebuild,” Cadet says, “if you can’t trust them, then you are always going to worry about what they are doing or who they are with. It also puts more negativity into the relationship.”

The second sign is when arguments become more frequent, and the things that didn’t really get under your skin, now do. Ask Men contributor, Danny Brown, states that this could lead to deep-resentment and things can get ugly quickly if you don’t walk away soon.

The final determining sign is about having different futures. It is important to be on the same page in the beginning of the relationship. Make sure you disclose what you want upfront. If you are ready to settle down and they are not, then chances are it won’t work. The relationship is going to be a waste of time because you are working against each other instead of working together. Cadet states, “Having shared values and experiences means nothing when you’re not working toward the same destination.” Each person has their own reason for breaking up, but those three areas of conflict are most likely at the root.

Now that we have discussed the foundation for an unhappy relationship, the real problem is actually breaking up and moving on. Here on some tips from Cadet on how to get through that tough time.

1. Be clear and honest that the relationship is over. This will make the whole process a lot easier. Nobody wants to be lead on that there is still hope. You can still be friends, but make sure friendship is all you are looking for. “Don’t give them false hope unless you want to deal with the drama that comes along with it.”

2. Stay away from texting. Being dumped over texts is probably the worse feeling, so give your partner a little more respect and talk to them in person. “Considering you’ve shared a lot together, the least you could do is sit them down and let them know what’s on your mind face-to-face.“

3.  Be specific. It is easy for your partner to over analyze the situation or fear there is someone else. “Give specific reasons as to why it’s not working. Assumptions often lead to resentment.”

Breaking up with someone isn’t easy, but neither is sacrificing each other’s happiness. It’s hard to be the one to say it’s over, but it’s even harder to be the one dumped. Remember that it is all about self-respect so do yourself and your partner a favor and be honest.

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