Your Love Story Starts Here.
What’s your type? Does the looks-based tall, dark and handsome do it for you?
Or what about the personality-driven tough guy with a secret soft side?
You have been trying to conjure a fairytale love story by creating connections based on your checklist-defining type that paints a picture of your “perfect match.” Yet you’re still single. So what are you doing wrong?
If you want to find your Mr. Right amongst the millions of Mr. Wrongs, it’s time to change your “type” perspective and start dating strategically.
Break Up with Your Type!
You might date for a little while, hoping that your love story will take hold, until you realize that you and this new whoever aren’t actually a fit (despite perfectly fitting your type-profile) or maybe it gets boring, fizzles out, and eventually it ends. Clearly something isn’t working. Let’s change that… by changing your type.
Think about milk. It has been dating cookie for way too long now. But the relationship is kind of boring. And the reality is that milk has so much more potential and honestly deserves better. It’s delicious when paired with pizza, spicy Thai and Indian food.
Just like milk, it’s time for you to start branching out too.
Date a New Neighborhood
If you want to find your Mr./Mrs. Right amongst the millions of Mr./Mrs. Wrongs, it’s time to change your “type” perspective and consider a new neighborhood.
Do you feel like you have dated “everyone” in your dating pool? Do the same singles keep popping up on different dating apps, making you feel like all of the good ones are taken and the rejects just keep recirculating? Maybe it’s time to consider a new dating pool.
Every city, especially big cities, are filled with smaller tide pool-like neighborhoods, each defined by different types of people with different styles, attitudes, and lifestyles. Your perfect match might be just two neighborhoods over. If you can’t find the right type who lives up to your love story in one tide pool, skip over to another!
BBM (Bigger, Better, More) is BORING. BE Bigger and your Best
Stop looking for Bigger, Better, More. Start BEING Bigger and your Best. Too many interesting, dynamic women and men play small and minimize their greatness in an attempt to fit in and fill a role. And while they (and maybe you) dumb down, they simultaneously incessantly seek out others who are Bigger, Better, More. It’s time to shine the light back on you and rise up! Then attract in your equal who accepts, admires, and honors who you are.
Marianne Williamson agrees, saying, “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
When out on a date, show how interesting you are. More than being interesting to them, show them that you’re interested in them. Have an opinion, share your perspective, talk about your experiences and passions, then ask about them and theirs.
If you don’t find yourself to be particularly interesting, then find a hobby, pursue a side job, volunteer with a favorite nonprofit, try a few activities that inspire and impassion you. When you’re interesting and interested, you have deeper, substantive, revealing conversations that break through the superficial ice and create real connections, or you quickly disqualify the wrong people so that you stop wasting your time and free you up to meet and focus on the right people.
Your Love Story Requires That You’re Full of your Self First!
Oprah said, “The last thing I wanted was for my actions to make me appear conceited. Full of myself. I now understand that the true measure of womanhood is exactly what I’d avoided for so long—to be filled with all of who I am.”
If you want someone else to love you- completely, then start by figuring out, owning, showing, and being fully yourself first! Unapologetically, confidently, vulnerably you. Yes, be full of yourself. I’m not suggesting that you present a superficial façade conjured for public consumption. Instead, be honest with yourself about what makes you awesomely you, own the whole person who you are, expand in your fullness of your greatness, and shine! You don’t need anyone else to complete you, because you’re already whole.
Flawed is the new Fabulous
Do you know what makes you really lovable? You. The truth of who you are, where you came from, the experiences, mistakes, and midcourse corrections that brought you to where you are right now. That’s what makes you lovable. Fabulous is fake. It’s a façade. It is a shell that doesn’t allow others to truly see you, know you, feel you.
So drop your protective walls that keep you safe and keep others out, and start to show your true colors. Let them know the layers behind your smile. That’s what makes you real. More than real, that’s what makes you relatable and shows that you’re human. You’re flawed. So is everyone else. You are imperfect and perfectly you.
If you’re ready for your next (and possibly final) love story to start, then stop going for your same old type- the type that is no longer working for you.
Known for her no-games style, Laurel helps singles across the globe find love. She has given advice on E!’s Famously Single and featured on Good Morning America. She recently partnered with the got milk? Love Stories campaign which highlights milks versatility to compliment different types of foods.