Dumped by your fiancé? Why it’s a blessing in disguise!
You had the dress, the big ballroom at a hotel reserved, the rings, the photographer, the music, the bridesmaid dresses, the honeymoon and the man you loved. Days before the wedding, however, he shocked you with the news that he just wasn’t ready to get married. Getting dumped by your fiancé before the wedding day can be devastating.
There is definitely a mourning period and a ton of self-reflection, often done by crying in the shower and listening to weepy love songs. But when the dust settles and the clouds clear, one thing’s for certain: getting dumped by someone who is not willing to commit to forever is a big blessing.
Why being dumped by your fiancé is a good thing
Better now than later
While it may seem like there’s never a good time to get dumped by a fiancé, it’s certainly much easier to deal with before being legally bound to him or her. Once the marriage is official, there’s a need to go through divorce proceedings, potentially dealing with child custody arrangements and the possibility of alimony. Lawyers will enter your life and never seem to go away.
If someone is willing to step out from the momentum of wedding planning to announce that he or she isn’t ready to go through with a lifelong commitment, as painful as that news may seem, it will prevent years of heartache and aggravation down the road.
Commitment is key
Marriage is more than wedding planning. Life only gets more complicated with financial obligations, sickness, family issues, and having kids together. If one person is not completely devoted to the other person, it does not bode well for navigating the unavoidable tough times ahead.
Getting dumped by your fiancé provides an opportunity to start over and find someone more compatible, taking in the hindsight of what was learned in the previous relationship. As a newly single person, you don’t have to consider anyone else’s goals or dreams but your own. You can build your future based solely on what you want to do and where you want to go. You will gain a better sense of “self” before finding someone to build your life with.
The ability to get one’s heartbroken, go through the grieving process and come out the other side, enables a person to learn just how strong they can be. Such an experience forces you to stand on your own two feet again. You’ll learn how to fend for yourself and how loneliness on one’s own is far better than loneliness in a sinking relationship.
You’ll discover that going through the aftermath of a breakup is never quite as bad as the low points of a relationship and that you have the power to be self-sufficient and happy AND find love again.
A better friend
As a jilted bride, you’ve learned a LOT. The person you loved and thought that you’d spend your life with is now gone. Losing your best friend, your love and your future all at once gives new perspective on how to get through something as difficult as this journey. You’ll likely be a great resource for future friends or friends of friends going through something similar.
You’ll be able to name 10 things that helped right off the bat. Like why you should never tell a jilted bride that her ex-groom was “probably gay” or “he was probably cheating on you.” Not helpful, right? You are now the expert when it comes to picking oneself back up after a disappointing relationship.
As soon as the pain lessens, you will have great war stories to tell at any cocktail party. Life isn’t perfect and you are now well aware that love and relationships are not just happy couple selfies of kissing in photo booths on Instagram. Learning how to work through being dumped by your fiancé and emerging a wiser, stronger person makes you more interesting, better adjusted and a better partner for the future.
An efficient dater
Once you are ready to get back out there, you’ll know exactly what you are looking for in a much shorter time frame. Anyone who has been dumped before has reflected on where things went wrong. What were those red flags that went unnoticed during the relationship?
Or perhaps the warnings signs were there all along but never acted upon. Being back in the dating pool is the opportunity to identify on a much quicker basis what you can live with and what are the deal breakers.
The future is bright
After you recover from the heartache and shock of being dumped and are back in another serious relationship, you’ll know rather quickly when you’ve found something that will last. When deciding upon the ONE, it’ll be much simpler. The question marks and straws that you grasped at previously won’t exist. You’ll understand that your future has been out there all along, just waiting for you to find it.
Stacey Becker is a 30-something author who lives in New York City with her husband, their toddler daughter, Ellie, and cute dog, Wally. Disguised as a corporate lawyer for a global bank, Stacey circumvents any serious legal discussions in favor of blogging about relationships, her relatable day-to-day adventures and trashy television. When not experiencing commuter rage, changing diapers or participating in spontaneous dancing parties in her apartment, Stacey jogs in Central Park, plays ping pong with her husband on their dining room table and thinks of excuses to avoid bridal showers. Her first book, Knot the One, is available on ThoughtCatalog.com.