Creating Positive Change In Your Relationship

Millennial Magazine- relationships

So we’re a couple weeks into 2014 and if you’re like most people, you’re probably feeling good about keeping up with your new years resolutions so far. Whether it’s staying on track with your budget or losing weight, it feels GREAT when you’re making headway with the things you want to accomplish in your life.

But I often find that there’s one area of our lives we often overlook when setting and going after goals; our relationship. The fact is, your relationship has ups and downs just like every other part of our lives, and if you don’t approach it intentionally and with purpose, it can be easy to drift away from the very things that keep it fresh and healthy.

Your relationship requires commitment

And of course, even when there are areas in their relationship they want to improve or goals they want to achieve, most folks don’t bother to write those goals down. Instead, they’re left wondering why things don’t really change and even when they do, they wonder why the change doesn’t last.

The secret to building a better relationship is to commit your vision for your ideal relationship to writing. Why?

It requires you to be clear on what exactly you want.

Would you hire a builder to construct a home for you knowing he had no blueprints for it? Absolutely not. The same is true for building a quality relationship. Reducing the vision you have for the future of your relationship not only brings you clarity as to the specific steps you need to take to get there, but also gives your mate an understanding as to what your expectations are. Millennial Magazine- relationshipsLike I always say, there’s nothing wrong with having expectations…unless they’re unspoken. No one wants to be surprised with lofty expectations when it’s too late.

It helps you stay on track.

Every relationship has it’s ups and downs. But it’s when those small issues become huge problems that you often lose focus of what’s most important. Us vs. the Problem easily turns into Me vs. You, only adding fuel to an already burning fire. The best way to overcome these challenges is to stay focused on the goal–the thing you both want, not the problem.

It’ll keep you motivated.

Zaz and I have our written vision up on a wall in our apartment. I can’t tell you how exciting it is to give it a glance in passing every now and then and realize how far we’ve come in our relationship. While it’s also a reminder of how far we need to go, it instills in us a sense of how much we can do when we put our minds to it, together. And that gives us a head start when challenges inevitably arise.

Scientific research says so.

Dr. Gail Matthews, a psychology professor at Dominican University in California, did a study on goal-setting with 267 participants. She found that you are 33 percent more likely to achieve your goals just by writing them down!

I see the benefits of writing down your vision and goals for your relationship with my clients all the time. I often have them not just writing them down, but displaying them in places that are easy to notice daily. Challenge one another and discuss the progress with each other regularly. It’s an amazing habit to adopt and will keep you both focused and working together to build the quality relationship you both deserve.

Need help getting started? I explain creating your vision further and even have a work sheet with the various areas of a relationship to make it as easy as possible for you in my latest eBook, “Just Let Your Relationship Be Great”. And good news…It’s free! Click here to download your copy today.

What do you think?

Written by Jay Cadet

Peanut butter aficionado, relationship coach and founder of [co]3 Studio, Gen-Y’s Premiere Relationship Studio, Jay Cadet is on a mission to help unmarried, millennial couples build the most strong and healthy relationships possible. For more on relationship tips and advice, couples events and private coaching opportunities, visit

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