Is Your Sex Life Less than Desirable?
Even in the best relationships, it can feel like something is missing sexually. Sexual problems are issues that can be very common but have become taboo to discuss. If you feel like your relationship is missing something, don’t fear! You can easily boost your sex life by remembering three simple tips.
TIP 1: All sexual stories have a beginning, middle, and end – but they don’t need to go in order.
Millennials have been branded as living in a culture that idolizes the idea of spontaneous desire. While that may sound sexy, it doesn’t always work, at least not for both sexes. Men can often respond to a single sexual cue, while women may require multiple cues.
Many young people are overworked and under slept and may feel like they’re too tired for sex or desire. Remember, you must focus on arousal before you get to desire. The best way to do this is by committing to a ten-minute window everyday where you’re physically and mentally connected to a partner but don’t have the expectation of sex. This could be a make-out session or as simple as a hug. It’s important to remember that in the story of sex, desire is not ‘once upon a time,’ it often emerges in the middle or even end of the story.
TIP 2: Get Cliterate
One of the biggest sexual epidemics of the past decade is the rise of ill-cliteracy. More men know more about what’s under the hood of a car than the hood of a clitoris. Thanks to porn, the locker room, and women who are willing to fake it, it can be tough for men to get a good sexual education.
So what do men need to know about the clitoris? First and foremost, it is the powerhouse of the female orgasm. It houses all the sensitive nerve endings that contribute to the female orgasm and these nerve endings respond to stimulation, not penetration. While some women can orgasm through just vaginal intercourse, many must also have manual stimulation to climax. Because of this it often takes women longer than men to orgasm.
So what is a man to do if he can’t sustain long enough to allow his partner to orgasm? The safest bet is keeping a vibrator handy to help your partner. In addition to toys, there are products to help men, such as Promescent, an FDA-compliant spray that can help men increase their sexual stamina.
TIP 3: Fortify Your Love Life With A Nutritionally Balanced Sex Life
According to CNN, nearly 40 million Americans say they are stuck in a sex rut, and 52% of Americans say they are dissatisfied with their sex lives. With so many unsatisfied couples, what can you do to keep your sex life healthy?
It’s important to make sure you’re having sex at least once a week. If you start skipping sex, your hormone levels decrease and you get used to not having it. Remember that weekly intimacy will keep you connected as a couple. If you stop having sex, you could lose that intimacy and your relationship may become vulnerable to potholes and pitfalls.
Most importantly, remember that sex isn’t just about quantity but also about quality and variety. The best way to think about sex is to equate it to food. If you eat the same food constantly, it gets old, even if you love it.
If this sounds complicated, just think of your sex life like a food pyramid. Make sure you’re having sex from different groups such as tender sex, sex for the sake of sex, fantasy sex, etc,. Couples must make sure they build their sex lives from a variety of menus that pull from each group to ensure a nutritionally balanced sex life.
Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sexuality counselor who specializes in sex therapy, couples therapy and working with individuals on a range of relational issues. Ian is regularly quoted as an expert in various media, with recent appearances on CNN, The Today Show, The Dr. Oz Show, and The Takeaway on WNYC. He is the New York Times best-selling author of numerous books, including She Comes First (Harper Collins) which is the best-selling sex advice book of the last decade and has been translated into more than a dozen languages.