We live in a cynical culture these days. We don’t trust corporations. We don’t trust the government. We don’t trust the church. We barely even trust each other.
Which is why so many folks want to have complete confidence in their relationship before committing to their partner for life. It’s totally understandable that you want to avoid potential problems. And because I work with unmarried couples, I find this to be one of the reasons that keep so many in that gap between them expressing interest in getting married and actually making the big jump.
You’re afraid of making that commitment because you have doubts. Doubts that your relationship will change. Doubts that things will be tough. Doubts that your love won’t last.
But this is good.
How so? The thing is, you will never be 100% ready to commit your entire life to someone else. There’s no amount of assurance that can ease every worry you might consider. Having doubts is good because it shows you grasp the magnitude of the decision you’re making. It shows that you have an understanding that this is the beginning of an amazing journey that takes work, dedication and devotion to bring out the best in the both of you over the years.
The questions you should both be asking yourselves are, “Am I ready to commit to working through the very things that cause doubts in my mind in the first place?”
“Am I ready and willing to be fully vulnerable and honest not only with my partner, but more importantly, with myself?”
“Is our relationship built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust and friendship? Do we share the same vision for our relationship? Do we share the same values?”
Don’t allow the belief that doubt is bad for your relationship keep you from moving forward. Instead, choose to see your doubts simply as an indicator that your relationship will continue to need to be worked on moving forward. As long as you and your mate are committed to do that work, together, you can turn those doubts into an opportunity for you to grow with each other and learn from one another. And that, is a good thing.
So what say you, folks? How have your doubts affected your ability to commit to your mate? If you’re married, did you have doubts when you made that step? How did confidence play a role in your decision to marry?
Peanut butter aficionado, relationship coach and founder of [co]3 Studio, Gen-Y’s Premiere Relationship Studio, Jay Cadet is on a mission to help unmarried, millennial couples build the most strong and healthy relationships possible. For more on relationship tips and advice, couples events and private coaching opportunities, visit co3Studio.com