How to Talk With Your Partner About Your Kinks
Sexual satisfaction is an integral part of any healthy relationship. Society might stigmatize kinks or any sexual act that doesn’t fall under the umbrella of what’s considered “normal,” but exploring your fantasies and kinks is essential for a healthy sexual life and a fulfilling relationship. Regardless of your preferences and how acceptable they are by society, talking about them with your partner can be extremely uncomfortable, especially if you haven’t been with them for long.
Many people might jump to the conclusion that if you can’t talk to your partner about your kinks, then you must be in some type of dysfunctional relationship. However, this is simply not true. Most people struggle with this simple act due to the social stigma and shame surrounding the subject. Overcoming these restrictions and exploring your fantasies can simply happen with the power of words. An open conversation with a loving partner is the first and most important step for you both to enjoy a satisfying intimate relationship. To help you make the conversation less awkward for both you and your partner, here are some ways you can talk to them about your kinks.
Pick the Right Time
Just like any challenging conversation that might change your dynamic as a couple, you need to wait for the right time. Picking the wrong moment to spark this conversation out of the blue might easily overwhelm your partner and lead to miscommunication issues. Many people might think that adding alcohol to the equation would make things easier and smoother. However, this is not the best idea, especially if you are exploring new territories. If your partner is drunk, they might be quick to say yes, only to regret it in the morning. You want your partner to be fully aware of who you are, and everything you are putting on the table. Additionally, avoid starting this conversation during intimacy where you are both vulnerable and emotional.
It is best to have this conversation on a weekend’s morning where you both are free, sober, and not pressed for time nor stressed about something. If your partner has something on their minds, or they are busy with work or other life responsibilities, they will not be as accepting or welcoming of new ideas as you would like them to be. Also, ensure no-one can unexpectedly walk in on your conversation. All these keys are essential for successful communication and understanding.
Frame the Conversation
Now that you have picked the right time it is time to frame the conversation. Let your partner know that you are about to talk about something important and you would like to be heard, so make sure you have their undivided attention. Clearly state that you are feeling vulnerable about the conversation to set the stage for open communication in order to exchange feedback and how both of you feel about the whole situation.
You don’t have to dive right into the most extreme or unusual kinks you have; you can start the conversation by talking about sexual fantasies that are more on the mellow side to ease your partner in. Sex and dating experts from Kinky Cloth recommend starting with kinky clothes before moving on to more extreme toys; this will help you both explore your fantasies without overwhelming one another. After you have shared your thoughts and fantasies, ask your partner if they also have something they would like to try. After opening up to your partner, they will be more likely to share any kinks or sexual fantasies they might have been hiding with you.
Break the Stigma
Kinks are not personality traits, but they are formed from our deepest thoughts. While there is no shame whatsoever in any sexual act, as long as it’s between two (or more) consenting adults, still many people might suffer from feelings of shame and guilt when they are trying to express their sexual needs. This is not only because it shows our vulnerable side that we normally hide in our daily lives but also due to the stigma that revolves around sex in general and kinky sexual acts in particular. Knowledge is the most powerful tool in breaking any stigma. Before you begin exploring your fantasies, make sure that your partner is well-versed in these kinks by playing documentaries, educational videos, or even porn that explores these kinks healthily.
Amp Up Your Sexting Game
The majority of millennials and younger generations have a habit of preferring digital communication over face-to-face conversations. While this might be a curse in some scenarios, it still can be a blessing in disguise. Sexting is extremely helpful when you and your partner are trying to explore new sexual fantasies. You can begin incorporating kinky elements in your normal conversations to set the mood. While the actual conversation about your kinks and fantasies needs to be in person, you don’t have to jump right into the action. Take some time to ease your partner in by suggesting new ideas, sending some sexy images in your new kinky outfits, or sending pictures of what you like.
Many people might be against sexting, or they might not see the benefit in it; however, experts have proven sexting to stimulate the brain and release dopamine and oxytocin. Text-based communication is particularly helpful when you are exploring something new because it frees the partner from the pressure of reacting right away. It gives both parties some time to relax and enjoy the moment instead of worrying.
Whether you are with a new or a long-term partner, sharing your kinks and sexual fantasies is never an easy task. Setting the mood and picking the right moment is essential; this t has the power to determine how the conversation will go. The important thing to remember is to make sure that your partner is comfortable with the pace that your sexual experimentation is developing at. This is why you should never spark this conversation when they are drunk or during an intimate moment. Checking off all these elements will make things easier and more comfortable for all parties involved.