Getting run over emotionally by a metaphorical “Bus” from a boss, colleague, friend, or family member can be completely deflating to our personage and to our spirit. So what exactly does it mean to be thrown under the bus?

I recently heard the term stated three times in one day. In each instance, the person using this phrase was indicating that they had the power to throw someone “under the bus”, meaning they could remove another person from the control or power in a given situation. As I heard this term being used, I understood it to be in a playful manner. However, listening to the stories told by others with real-life experiences, throwing someone “under the bus” can have devastating consequences with lasting trauma and deep emotional symptoms.

Social behavior can often have intense consequences. What if it happens to you? What if this phenomenon has had intense consequences for you? How do you recover?

Perhaps this is already hitting home with your life experiences. The current global impact of a Pandemic caused many people to have emotional losses beyond their control. Indeed, they were ‘thrown under the bus”. Loss of family and friends, businesses, livelihoods, careers, educational goals, and opportunities were all direct results of the chaos of the Covid-19 Pandemic. It’s been a deep emotional blow to the internal spirit for many, giving way to treating anxiety, depression, loss of self-esteem, devolution of goals, and sadness. Many won’t have the ability to muster up the energy to try again as a consequence.

Ask an Expert

So how can we pull ourselves back from the emotional deflation and unexpected shock that has altered the course of life? Specifically, how can we pull ourselves out from “under the bus”?

For some answers, I spoke to the Author Patricia Blakey, an expert on the subject. Her book “Under the Bus, Why Women Hurt Women in Business and How to Change” (available on Amazon or at Barnes & Noble) explains how she survived being “thrown under the bus” at the height of her career.

Blakey was blindsided by a boss she respected. Her supervisor tossed her “under the bus” for higher pay and promotion by taking credit for all of Blakey’s development plans and cutting her off from her development team. The betrayal and isolation were emotionally devastating, sending her into a state of shock, anger, and grief. Having been “thrown under the bus”, with no way to make a wrong a right, her career with this company was forever ended.

Blakey journaled about the crushing event and her emotional feelings. In a state of anger and grief, she sought advice from her family and friends. While working through the classic steps of grief, she realized that the common act of throwing someone “under the bus” is actually a phenomenon experienced by many. As a result, she turned her journaling into a book in order to help others who have experienced this same thing. “You can always use your pain and suffering and how you recovered from it to help others,” Blakey insisted.

Blakey explained how going to book signings and talking to attendees made her feel. “The gratitude from so many people for writing this book lifted me, and the book gives them a way to love themselves again- to get confidence back, to be whole.” She encourages her readers to share her message. “People have taken my book and given it to a family member who then shares it with someone who is “under the bus”. It has been a healing experience for many people.”

A Common Experience

A list of books with themes relating to being “thrown under the bus” validates this familiar social phenomenon at a variety of individual levels. Some people report physical trauma coinciding with mental trauma and anguish that causes physical pain, eating disorders, sleeplessness, and anti-social behavior. As Blakey writes in her book, there are many ways to work through this traumatic experience. Meditation, yoga, journaling, or speaking to a therapist are a few of the tools needed to get to the different levels of recovery. Let’s take a look at these remedies.

1. Meditation

As a practicing Alternative Medical Doctor and long-time Ayurvedic and Yoga Instructor, I tend to agree with many of Blakey’s suggestions. Starting with meditation, I highly recommend meditating to gain back your spirit and trust as you pull yourself out from “under the bus”. However, not all people can achieve quick results with this method due to the nature of their trauma. For those that suffer from PTSD, the mind is in such a traumatic state that it can’t hold still long enough to concentrate. There is a tendency to over-examine events, question one’s judgment, or possess the inability to read a situation or intention of another.

Recommended Practice

Meditation will grow your mind back to confidence over time although it is not easy to do when you are in trauma and emotional pain. My suggestion is to start with a color and sit for two minutes with that color in front of you (use a scarf or tie for simplicity). Sit in a quiet, comfortable place. Close your eyes and visualize the color. As you focus only on the color, breath in through both nostrils of the nose, and then breath back out through the mouth in a loud sigh.

If you practice this for two weeks, you will master two minutes of your life gaining back control. You will own this power of breath. In the next two weeks increase it to 4 minutes. As you progress over time, you can start breathing in through the nose and out through the nose. If you take the time to own this breath, you will have let the anxiety that is present leave the mind and body. You will regain control of your spirit.

I like to see my patients become centered quickly, get their minds focused, and gain trust for one’s own self-judgment. I say this because people blame themselves for these truly unforeseen and uncontrollable “under the bus” situations. There are remedies, however, to tone down PTSD reactions as well. One natural product line that I encourage my patients to use is Dr. Bach’s Flower Essence (TM).

2. Natural Tinctures

As previously noted, there are levels to the “under the bus” phenomenon and Dr. Bach’s Flower Essence (TM) has various products to suit most people’s emotional needs.

Dr. Bach’s Rescue Remedy (TM)

The Rescue Remedy (TM) is a quick delivery with fast-acting relief of fear, anxiety, grief, anger, and shock to the emotional system. It will calm down the circling of the mind, remove fight or flight triggers, balance endocrine reaction to fear, reverse the loss of appetite, improve sleep, and reduce body shaking, crying, and the sense of being isolated. It comes in a spray or tincture and goes under the tongue.

You can expect to feel better within 10 minutes or less. The calmness that can occur is amazing. Use as needed every few hours with multiple doses every 15 minutes for intense emotional reactions until you feel grounded.

Dr. Bach’s Flower Essence Gentian (TM)

For more devasting life events like a major income setback or unexpected divorce, a second level of “under the bus”  treatment can be found with Dr. Bach’s Flower Essence Gentian (TM). Hailed as the best remedy to “Accept Setbacks” by Dr. Bach himself, Gentian addresses the emotional symptoms of serious setbacks, a broken life path, or delay and hindrance to hopes and dreams. In the situation of Patricia Blakey losing her career, Gentian would be a good remedy to assist in her recovery.

Finding a new Joy

Trying one or more of these tools, recovery aids, begins the pull out from “under the bus'”. There is no timeline, it may be a long and slow process. There is no promise of a quick recovery, just a promise you will get your spirit back and find hope again.

Lastly, select a mental thought or mantra- a personal honesty in how to move forward or a revelation you will need to embrace. And remember…

1. You can never go back to fix it.
2. You will have to reinvent yourself.
3. The trauma will be replaced with Joy!

Let’s begin to pull you out from under the bus, and find your new joy!